I don't understand why do I have such a pessimistic thinking that "I can never make it", "people are always better than me"... how come this person can do this why i cant... I know that I shouldnt compare... but at times, my mind just cant help it especially when im at my most vulnerable state...

Im lucky that my dear is always there to support me whenever Im depressed. I feel blessed with him around such that even if the sky fall down on me i know that he will be there to protect me.

Despite being emotionally unstable some moments ago, dear manage to cheer me up with his kindness (which is unintentional). He was sitting on my bed with a blanket pulled over his head while i was packing my feelings up in preparation to study. I felt curious when he maintained that position for around 10-15 mins. So I walked towards him and i saw that he was dozing off while sitting. He told me that he does not want to lie down to sleep for he feared that he would distract me from studying. hahaa so cute! So what if he is sitting.. he is still sleeping, so it does not make any difference to me! Anyway i was amused by his actions when he refused to lie down to sleep and insist that he shall sit on the bed. ANd he started doing his self-claim meditation in a steady posture. But not long after, the steady posture seem to lose its steadiness and he began to sway back and fro. So I burst into laughter and commented: "WHat happen to your meditation?"

Don't you think that's funny, it certainly cheer me up in a boring sunday afternoon.